Late 2016: Fighting for my Dream again
When I lived with Alex, I didn't talk about my fine art street photography once...for months. Depression takes away everything you love. It's atrocious, really.
Being a fine art street photographer for a living is impossible with no emotions. My art is driven by my passion for life and photography.
In order to get my feet back on the ground, I taught English to Chinese professionals and students online. Even though it was far from doing what I love most, it was great! I connected with hundreds of sweet people and quickly become one of the top tutors on the platform.
In order to pay off my debt that piled up during my depression, I needed to make more money. However, since I didn't feel my art at all, it's hard to live and promote it. Sales were at an all time low.
I worked as an image editor for a global corporation since the summer. Even though it was rather monotonous cubicle work, I didn't mind it at all. All I cared about was stabilizing my finances and mental health!
I'll never forget the moment when I felt and captured my eye, heart and soul again for the first time:
My life felt like I was in a boxing ring with the devil. As weak and worn out as I was, I hit as hard as I could.
Although I lost my inner child and muse in January 2016, I fought like a maniac day in and day out to win them back.
Every day, I captured my commute in the little spare time I had left. With every little shot I fought against my inner devil! He tried to get to me by telling me over and over again that my dream is just an illusion:
"You'll never live life as a fine art street photographer, Marius! Look, you failed over and over again. I dragged you down to hell two times already. Don't you think it's time to finally give up?"
Somehow, the more he tried to drag me down, the harder I punched back. Every morning I woke up to fight for my dream. I took one shot after another till I landed my first brutal blow with an umbrella:
Although I started marketing my fine art street photos again, I didn't even care much about living off it. To me it was all about fighting for my inner child and fine art dream!
It felt fantastic to regain more and more of my creative power after such a long "injury lay-off".
One morning, I felt such a surreal and eerie atmosphere on my commute. I took a detour to capture it and see what I was made of!
I spent the next hour capturing golden moments around me that where dipped in deadly grey. There was so much beauty in this haunting winter morning!
As you can see, my hair was slightly frozen, my clothes were wet - but it all didn't matter, because my heart was on fire again!
For one year, the devil beat me up almost every day. He took away everything I loved, crushed my dreams and almost killed me...
...till I beat the living hell out of him that cold and misty December morning!
That morning, I produced my first album after one year! (I'm currently polishing the final touches)
Ever since that day, I've been more creative than ever. I unleashed even more of my eye, heart and soul!
My depression and anxiety disappeared almost completely towards the end of the year. I was healthy again after such a long battle in the ring of life.
That battle with my inner devil showed me how strong we are as human beings. No matter how hard life hits us, we are able to hit back even stronger!
It doesn't matter whether you lose it all - as long as you don't lose your faith to win it all back again!